I am stoked... beyond stoked! ... to be able to share with you I'm launching a new project that will encompass so very much of what has been on my mind and on my heart for so very long.
I have flirted with a regular broadcast, expanding past my usual business, advocacy, career success, physical therapy, marketing, branding content... and, even integrating my dad blog, my millennial Asian blog, this blog... and, just my overall thoughts into something of a little bit more than a social media piece.
Glad you asked. Essentially, I've been wanting to blend my thoughts on larger issues in life than just business, career, marketing, branding... so many of you have requested that I share my thoughts on relationships, general life wisdoms, etc.
Having a huge passion to also discuss millennial issues, cultural clash topics, and relationships... I felt a new channel was needed.
And, so... now! We have... Relate in Eight :) This idea has actually been on my mind and in my heart for the better part of a year. I'm sooooo excited to be able to share it.
Please check it out, lend me your feedback, and I'll see you there!
So... it's been a terribly long time. How long??? Long enough for Blogger to have changed some of their admin features sets... still not long enough for me to have revamped this site... HAHA =P
That long.
Preeeeeetty crazy. So... Let's catch up!
The rest of October was a blur. So, there was Ascend Event by WebPT, PPS, and just a blur of getting back to the "norm" -- which included getting crazy sick, then... the rest of my family getting crazy sick. #SoThatHappened
Speaking at Ascend and the incredible networking at PPS was just simply glorious. You can find my thoughts on them here on the UpDoc Media Blog:
OH! We saw MOANA. It was an incredible movie... wait.... probably better for Daddy In The Raw.
So, okay... back on track. I'm coming to grips with the fact that, I just have too many outlets. I think this will have to be a space for personal reflection, journaling, and generally, a quarterly'ish update.
Much of my most current writings are available via the UpDoc Media Blog...
Gee... other than that... this one SHORT update. I guess the real update is this:
Life has gotten cray cray! There are more platforms and more mediums than I can begin to fully appreciate... despite being some type of social media guru in the space of physical therapy. I expect there to be a consolidation of user behaviors.... after all, people want to feel connected.
Too many options will cause choice paralysis and feeling distant. So... my thoughts are these:
2017 will have a convergence of technologies and user demands.
2017 will also be an insane year for millennial entrepreneurs.
Next year, I expect people to crave the personal touch that is very much retro, right now.
I also expect the coming year to feel like an extension of 2016... simply because of some of the socio-economic dynamics which are holding on to their inertia.
Finally, I anticipate that the year 2017 will be considered one of the biggest years of finding unity, dispite disagreements... as well as finding growth in emerging opportunities previously considered a dead-end. Such benefits will come to those who are willing to look beyond their own likes, preferences, and penchants; to those who are willing to become more than they are, for causes greater than & more meaningful than themselves.
So, I had the surprising pleasure of being contacted regarding the inclusion of my blog to be listed as a "Top Work At Home Dad Blog!" It's kinda cool, since it seems they found out about all this via this direct blog I've been running for years.
Either way, it's nice to know people are on the lookout for this phenomenon & I'm glad to be included in such a collection; if anything, in hopes it can inspire and empower others to take that plunge into being at home with those who matter most in life.
So, a week ago, I got stuck in an elevator during a family vacation / reunion.
It came completely unexpected. While the hotel was getting some work done downstairs, there was no evidence it would affect the elevators per se. In fact, the moment I got into the elevator, there was a lady who came out all cheery as could be with a plate of food.
I went in after she came out, hit the button from floor 3 to 1, for the lobby. I felt the elevator go down. Then, it stopped. And... the door didn't open. I hit the open door button... the closed door button. Nothing. I thought, "Huh... maybe it's a glitch?" So, I hit for floor 2 and figured if the door opens, I'll just take the stairs down and let the front desk know.
Well, I felt the elevator go up to level 2. And, it stopped. Then, it completely stopped. NOTHING responded. Good thing I had my phone. I called the front desk which was apparently a call center. THEY called the front desk and came scampering to make sure I was okay. Well... I wasn't going to waste any time... I jumped on Facebook Live, Twitter (#PTstuck), and Periscope. You can see the videos here:
The firefighters came and rescued me. They thanked me for being cool and not yelling them. Apparently, there are some pretty thankless folks out there who rake anyone they can find over the coals... even their own rescuers... for mishaps, regardless of fault or blame. Weird.
Well... all that was fun and done. NOW, I need to deal with this water damage leak thing coming from the unit above me.... *sighs*... Such is life. #HappyFathersDay.
So, by now, most of you know that I have ADD or ADHD (as it is now termed). I've held an international pen name in Asian communities & support groups, with articles read by millions; I've blogged on it, I've vlogged on it... and, I've had the pleasure of interacting with a gentleman by the name of Wes Gray who is producing an indy-documentary on ADD.
I'm very interested in how this is going to be played out & love the line from the intro that ADHD is "an asset in your life." I completely agree & feel that is should be seen that way. Much like any type of energy asset; fuel can be used to burn, to explode, to lay in waste, or... to be harnessed!
Check it out. Consider supporting on indiegogo.com. I'm eager to see it upon release!
So, I just came across this idea to mentally map out where my digital footprint is. Then, I decided... why not actually map it out?! Then, I was wondering where my Twitter based impressions have been leading toward...
Result: Good company. Good people. Gotta love Twitter!
So, for those of you that don't know... I've been through too much school. Not as much as some others... but, too much... haha, for my family.
I met my wife in grad school round #1 for my DPT. Then, not two years into marriage, I started an MBA program. Well... it's been a year since I was conferred an MBA in Marketing with Distinction from the University of Michigan.
The biggest conference in physical therapy in the United States happened two weeks ago. And, I'm *finally* starting to feel like I'm recuperating.
Perhaps the best part of it was finally being able to meet the many people I first "met" via social media. Yeeeees... there were a LOT of #APTACSMSelfie's!
Now that CSM is over, it's time to reboot, refocus, and grind away!
First off, I'm looking forward to getting my dad blog, Daddy In The Raw, started up in good stride again. There are a lot of past posts that I did have scheduled out; but, just didn't feel the timing was right since things change as blogs & life-in-general develop. I'll be pushing them out shortly so that we can all catch up with how the heck this happened...
Finally, I *KEEP* flirting with the idea of doing some kind of regular broadcast. I'm not sure what that regularity will entail... I've had several requests for a podcast, some for a traditional YouTube vlog, plenty of people love #Periscope. I'm just trying to figure out best medium, best time day, best frequency, etc.
What I want to make unique about this broadcast: I want it to be kind of a rolling Q&A that encompasses mind set, attitude, success, business, professional development, and how to relate personally, professionally, collegially, etc... kind of blend the content of what I have here, at UpDoc, and even at Daddy In The Raw in a more universal & comprehensive outlook on how to approach that magical blend of balance, go-getting, and achievement.
ALSO, I want to make this regular broadcast manageable... something less than 10 minutes per broadcast. There are already enough 30+ podcasts and what nots out there. This one is going to be fast flowing, no nonsense, only the good stuff....
Alright, enough of me dreaming out loud about it :)
Let me know if you're interested.
OKAY. That's it for now! CSM is over. It's time to get back to work!
1 month ago, I wondered how many folks going to CSM were also going to crash Disneyland. The answer: At least 30! So, then I got to wondering, which day would people plan on going? And, it appears that Wednesday the 17th is going to be the majority day. However, there will be some going on Thursday, Friday, and even Saturday.
So, if you are indeed going, I am pleased to have 10 Tips on how to make the trip absolutely perfect!
Otherwise, that's just about it. In case you need some tips in attending CSM for the 1st time, here are two posts, one from a general perspective & another from a student's perspective. Enjoy!
So, some of you know that I was diagnosed with ADD (when it was still called that) as a youngster. Over the years, I've figured out a way to channel all that energy. I don't think it's anything except a super power at this point. Once you can properly engage & channel minds on this far side of the attention-continuum-curve, it's basically like channeling the power of the sun.
I did a video blog on this via my Dad Blog called "Daddy In The Raw: The Real Life of a Work At Home Dad." It's linked below. I hope you enjoy it and that it helps!
Following a Periscope by Dr. Jeff Moore on balance and entrepreneurialism, I went to thinking about how I'm achieving balance. I realized for years, I had it wrong. I was balancing life as one balances things on a plate. Hence, the sayings like, "My plate is full." However, I think that a new way of looking at balance is vertically. Originally, I sad like the leaning tower of Pisa. A better way of seeing it, is like the game Jenga.
Here's my video blab on achieving work-life-balance by doing it vertically.
Physical Therapists tend to go to their daily jobs as workers. And, yet, there is all this complaint about being undervalued, under appreciated, being at the bottom of the totem pole, etc. Ironically, this attitude is actually the root of the problem.
If you "work for," you will always care less.
If you "take ownership," then you will always care more. And, we need people to care more.
Well, the year is allllllmost over. It's been a crazy one. I remember sitting down surrounding New Years of 2015; my wife and I were talking and we decided that 2015 would be the year of adventure. Well, it surely was that, indeed.
And, I kicked my cooking game up a notch by starting my journey down sushi chef-ism.
It's also been an absolute blur. If I've learned anything about 2015 and life in general, it's this: Time. Time is the one single asset in our lives that we should measure all other values by.
Time is the one thing we can't buy. Time is the one thing we can't beg for. Time is the one thing made equal. And, time is the one thing that at the end of our lives, we wish we had more of -- not things, not money, not houses, cars, tech, nor toys... it's time.
I learned that despite my "credentials," my time... was more valuable to the lives of my wife and my son by being at home.
I learned that it is absolutely possible to be a work at home dad -- as crazy and as scary as it is. In fact, I've been a work at home dad for more than 18 months.
I guess this leads into my launching of a new blog which centralizes on all these lessons... all these bits of life experience wrapped up into the year of 2015.
I am so very pleased and honored to share with you my launching of:
Well, you've probably been noticing that I've been talking about topics far beyond healthcare, marketing, business, branding, etc. And, just like how eventually Kettlebell Therapy turned into this blog, I'm starting to merge my voice here with a new blog I'm building:
So, a couple weeks back, my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) professor/coach promoted me to the the first belt rank above the beginner's white belt -- the Blue Belt. And, like I tweet above, it has been quite the journey.
I was reflecting this past weekend on my journey so far, primarily the recent 6-8 weeks. Even prior to that, I actually felt a little lost in my BJJ journey. I was promoted to a 4-stripe white belt a while ago and felt that I hit some type of mental ceiling soon after. I was lost between choice techniques, making all sorts of brand new white belt mistakes... and, my coach was calling me out.
"What... what are you doing...? Who...... common!"
That was his general response and my own personal response to my mistakes as well. I was doing weird things that were never taught to me nor were even conceptually advisable within martial arts. I asked him for his guidance and thoughts and he basically put it down to two things:
1) I was either getting comfortable or lazy.
2) I was losing focus on what I've been taught... essentially, do what I'm taught, not what I thought.
So, for many weeks following, I did exactly that. I was told to focus on one type of guard, one type of guard pass, and one submission. And, so I did. With some faltering to obvious temptations (like someone not guarding for a choke), I basically only went for the classical armbar. I only drilled the knee cutter pass (with some faltering to leg drags), and, basically only used the butterfly guard... and, had my guard passed over and over and over again.
Then, something magical happened. About 4-6 weeks ago, I suddenly felt a revival in my BJJ game. I sparred with this huge 3 stripe white belt who was transferring from another academy. And, I was basically all over the guy. I caught him with two collar chokes which was spawned from well defended armbars. And, I caught him in two armbars, once which he tried to stack me with and once from s-mount. I was practically never in danger and barely felt like I broke a sweat. This was weird to me because my other 3-stripe white belt training partners typically put up a pretty good fight.
Then, weeks to follow, I tapped out one of my favorite training partners for the first time with an under-arm-pit-armbar from north south. I also managed to tap out a purple belt who let me get position on him... which I've never been able to do even when he's done similar things to let me have a fighting chance before -- great training partner by the way. He has REALLY helped me tighten up the details and technical aspects of my game.
THEN, I sparred with a very skilled and highly intimidating judo black belt. He's one of the nicest guys I know and is an excellent training partner. But, I've never been able to submit him, far less even make it a fair fight -- oh yeah, did I mention he out muscles me by 50 pounds or so? This last time, I tapped him out with an armbar from s-mount. I think much of that had to do with the fact that we were playing no-gi and judo is a gi based system. Nevertheless, I also didn't feel all that threatened positionally... which is NOT normal when sparring against him.
Either way, looking back, I had a bit of fear in terms of the Imposter Syndrome. I remember that being given my 4th stripe as a white belt, I thought to myself, "Sure! I got this. I'm about to be blue. It's next. Totally have this under control." I felt like I could represent 4 stripes with confidence as a white belt. Then, moments later, feeling like I didn't deserve it. Then, with the blue belt, I was like "Oh no... it's an entirely new rank. And, now I'm a target." LOL.
But, I guess I'm not so worried anymore. BJJ is all about training hard and training harder. You have to beat your own fears before you can survive to beat your opponent. It's about technique over strength, and many times, mind over matter. As in, it doesn't matter if you're put on your back. You just got to get your positioning and figure it out from there. Always stick to the fundamentals; they are your foundations and strong foundations are hard to shake.
I know for a fact that my professor does NOT promote simply due to loyalty or money paid. He only promotes when he feels that people are able to represent their belt color.
Well, it is time to represent. I'm so very happy I've trained for nearly 3 years in this excellent sport and martial art system. And, I am looking forward to another 3+ years that it will probably take for me to earn the purple belt.
If I've learned anything, I've learned this:
Train hard. Never get lazy. Never get comfortable. Always push yourself.
Train smart. Do what you are taught. Leave your ego at the door. Be technical.
Train consistently. Even if you can only train once a week, dedicate yourself regularly & intentionally -- you will see the results.
I know there is SOOOO much for me to learn. Despite a life long journey in so many areas of martial arts, I've definitely found a home in BJJ -- it's become a part of my lifestyle and I'm so glad that after all these years, I finally hunkered down to train in BJJ.
Finding the right, ideal, perfect, etc. person in the context of a relationship is often the goal for many. We have our lists, our requirements, our deal breakers, certain must haves, certain would be perks. But here's the thing, relationships (despite what TV may tell us) isn't to be approached as one does a meat market.
In fact, by doing so, we make the experience of finding our special someone all about us. What about them?!
If everyone is only look for their own desires, who is looking out for your future and/or intended beloved's?
My advice is this: Don't pursue the ideal person. BECOME the ideal person.
There are so many people in the world -- and -- being that the world has gotten so much smaller, it's not about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person.
If you like character traits A-E, then you must become the type of person that character traits A through E would be attracted to.
After all, what good it is to find your perfect person and have them NOT be attracted to you?!
I find that typically guys have more issue here than gals. So, I'll hammer the fellas for just a moment. Say you like girls who do this, do that, look a certain way, have certain goals in their lives. I mean, they sound more than pretty awesome -- that's just hot marriage material, right?!
But, are YOU marriage material? Do you fit their bill? Why would they be interested in the likes of you? If they are so amazing, you better be just as if not more amazing if you wish to hope to and/or even dream to come across as attractive to them.
That's the secret. If you want to be with your ideal mate, you must first become it.
And, that is actually the secret sauce in terms of attitude for any successful relationship. It's not about you. It's all about them. By making the entire relationship process and path from finding, pursuit, inception, cultivation, even to maturation -- all about your significant other... the relationship becomes that much stronger because it's not based on egocentricity. It's based on what relationships should be on... RELATING to the beloved, the one you care about, the one you love.
So, that's it. Finding the ideal person is all about being the ideal person and having no hesitation about it when your lives cross paths.
Let's face it. I'm a big nerd and I love geeking out. For many years and to this day, I'm a big fan and appreciator of digital entertainment in the form of video games. So, I thought, why not write up a blog post on this? Now, chuckle as you may, I'm sure many of you will identify with the emotional content and life experience surrounding the way we spent time having fun as kids.
So, without further ado, here are...!
PS. The life lessons are at the end of the post. Feel free to skip on if its too nerdy for ya ;)
10 Video Games That Changed My Life
1. Aldo
Aldo was this ridiculous Super Mario type game which was actually ridiculously addictive. No sound. No real ending. Just changes in background and levels that were the same which got increasingly harder until you finally died with the game ending. It was the closest thing to Nintendo I could get my hands on waaaaay back in the day which meant Aldo was my first at home video game experience.
Captain Comic was definitely a level up from Aldo. However, it was such a hard game! It was truly linear and you could only beat it by going through the world in a step by step fashion. Without doing it in exactly such a way, you wouldn't have the inventory, tools, and weapons required to beat the game and would die very quickly. It took me ages to beat this game. And, a few years back, I tried to play this game again. Suffice to say, it was just as hard as it was when I was a kid.
Commander Keen was the hero alias for kid genius Billy Blaze. He was thought by some to be the grandson of the hero in Castle Wolfenstein. Whatever the case, this kiddo wearing a purple shirt, blue jeans, and a Green Bay Packers football helmet goes on the save the galaxy a number of times over. I was such a nerd I ended up finding the secret island with the Vorticon Alphabet.
4. Warcraft 2
For many, WC2 doesn't need any introduction. I found my first RTS experience here with Warcraft 2 and played this for hours during my early teen years. I even went onto a local college campus for a LAN battle before I could drive, just to get a good feel for what real multiplayer RTS was all about. There were many great memories with this game, especially with the crafting of my own missions in the map editor.
5. Starcraft (original)
SC is another game that doesn't really need any introduction. It was a game play that was still good over 10 years later. Some even argue the original game play remains superior to StarCraft 2. Regardless of how it all pans out, I remember many great hours of Starcraft both in high school and in college. No wait... I even played this with modified maps on Battle Net during the months when I met my wife. Yeah... good times.
6. Rainbow Six (and series)
Rainbow Six was one of the first 1st Person Shooter games which involved a fair amount of realism by which players couldn't run around and Rambo the levels. Doing so would mean immediate failure. I loved this game because of the tactical planning required during the campaign. Online play was a lot of fun as well as it was so easy to dominate with grenades and having a keen sense of surroundings. Either people never played paintball before or just appeared to tunnel vision when playing multiplayer. For me, it only meant an easy win with the heartbeat sensor. Years later, I would go on to play many of the Rainbow Six games. Even just as recently, it actually remains a favorite game between my wife and I. Just remember to pie your corners ;)
7. Counter Strike
Counter Strike was my game of choice between my senior year of high school and college. I got way too good at this game to which I was even invited out to a west coast LAN tournament. Of course, I was too young to go and wouldn't have been allowed to. It was also one of the first games to teach me a lesson. It pays to win because the more you win, the more money you get and the more weapons you could buy. So, just keep winning and you won't ever lose!
8. Halo
Halo and the Halo series basically changed 1st person games forever. For me, it turned into a guys night activity into a true interest in digging deeper into the stories of game play. I feel, especially with Halo 4, that the franchise did an excellent job of creating a deeper story while leaving plenty of gaps to fill for future games. After all, Halo Reach came about just because of one sentence in the opening scene of the first Halo game.
9. Rome: Total War
Alright, we're about to get hardcore. Rome: Total War was my first experience with the Total War series. It was also an excellent play as it dealt with historical battles of the ancient times along with the history, geography, and even some cultural contexts. Believe it or not, I actually learned a lot about history by playing this game. I got so into the game play that I started digging into the code and text files to see what I could do to optimize the play for myself. This included customized characters and army units which, personally, felt more accurate what we know of history.
10. Chrono Trigger
Finally, Chrono Trigger. This game is a game I played to death. I got every ending and every sequence and every level up I could. All my characters became truly maxed out to which I still need to dig back to see how many hours of game play this actually took. What was really fun about this game beyond the conceptual genius of it all was the story about a young group of people trying to save the world as they know it. Later, I would tell my wife about one of the healing spells called "Aura Whirl." It became a thing in our early marriage times; I told her that I'm the tank, you're my healer. I need you to stay strong.
The spell is basically a duo combo where the tank character is charged up by the healer and then everyone in the group gets healed. She thought it was romantic when I showed it to her =)
And, apparently, there's a lot to be said about guys asking girls to play games with... I'll agree!
Honorable Mentions include:
-Empire: Total War
-Earthbound (SNES)
-Final Fantasy(s) - 2, 3[6], 7
-Mario 64
-Original Mario
-Super Mario 3
-Duck Hunt (never shoot your buddy, he'll only laugh at you for trying)
-Zelda (some puzzles in life are meant to be solved by the book)
And, a final uncategorizable honor to:
-The Lego Games including that of Star Wars, Pirates, Lord of the Rings, Marvel Superheroes, and Jurassic Park.... for the simple reason that my wife and I have played way too many hours of these together to even begin to discuss the significance. Suffice to say, if one player wins, we both win.
The Life Lessons I Learned:
Life is ultimately like an RPG. So, it is your choice to make your life the best character you can. You can be your own hero, your ultimate fantasy if you make that choice to grind XP.
Duck Hunt taught me to never shoot at your buddy. He's there to help you and he'll only end up laughing at you for trying.
Zelda taught me that to solve certain puzzles in life, you simply NEED the book.
Super Mario 3 taught me that sometimes, sitting back and playing a musical instrument is the best strategy.
1st Person games taught me to keep my head on a swivel and pie my corners.
RTS taught me that the devil is in the details; strategy is great, but to get to strategy, you need tactics.
Finally, the retro games taught me that it doesn't have to be the most complex game to be the best. Personally, I miss the old stuff... there was so much intellect behind it. The game was driven by the play, not the graphics.
It is absolutely no secret I'm a huge fan of theme parks, especially the Disneyland Resort. I'm also a huge fan of the food available at Disneyland as well as Disney's California Adventure. Recently, my wife and I stumbled across one of the quick dining options as a method of avoiding the foot traffic of the parade while getting a little sound shelter for our son. We came across Boardwalk Pizza & Pasta. Immediately, my wife honed in on their Cheese Ravioli offerings. We ended up buying one, then two... then for our next visit, two more.
Loving the dish that much, I felt compelled to replicate it at home.
This is how it went down...
Cheese Ravioli with Pesto & Balsamic Glaze
First, the ingredients I used:
Cheese Ravioli (pre-made, I'm a huge fan of taking minor shortcuts when experimenting)
Toasted Pine Nuts
Pesto
Balsamic Vinegar
Brown Sugar & White Sugar
Noted, the restaurant offers the ravioli with the options of tomatoes, pine nuts, and grated Parmesan cheese. I ended up leaving out the tomatoes and the cheese.
First, I started heating the Balsamic Vinegar to create the Balsamic Glaze. I eyeballed the amount of vinegar and added about a tablespoon and a half of brown sugar and a teaspoon of white sugar. I brought that to a boil.
Meanwhile, I boiled the ravioli while attending to a bone-in New York steak. Yeah, I like to multitask ;)
I got two bowls out. One as a cooling and drying bowl for the ravioli and one for mixing in the pesto. Once the ravioli was ready, I put them into the first bowl. However, it didn't actually dry out all the way so when I started tossing them with the pesto, the everything got a bit too watery. I ended up drying out the first bowl and adding more pesto to give a proper coating of the ravioli.
Since this was my first attempt at this, I didn't take off the glaze off the heat in time and it started to turn into molasses. I added some hot water, stirring and nurturing the glaze back to life.
I then plated the ravioli in a line and sprinkled some toasted pine nuts.
Returning back to the glaze, it took quite a bit of effort to bring the glaze back to life. BUT! It did finally happen. After which, I took a generous tablespoonful and circled my dish after dowsing the centerline of the ravioli.
My wife and I were quite impressed by the result. It was basically a perfect replica of the park food. The glaze was a bit heavier and sweeter because I didn't tend to it with as much care as I should have. Nevertheless, it was very tasty.
I think next time, other than giving the glaze plenty of love, I'll add on the grated Parmesan just to give it a bit more cheesiness to enjoy.
Well, that's it! A very fun experiment; an exercise of art and science.
I get asked a lot about the details of how I met my wife. In a word: Online. (Long story... another time). All in all, my wife and I dated online before dating online was truly a thing and did so very retro in style. Meaning, we didn't even "meet" online through a dating website. It happened organically through a website chat room with limited functions. However, it wasn't the fact that we dated online, first; then in person, that lead to our success. It was HOW we dated. We dated backwards.
And so, here are.....!
5 Reasons For Dating Backwards
1. Deal Breakers First, Deal Makers Later.
Dating backwards is laying out essentials early on by hashing out the deal breakers before the relationship becomes too invested. This is something that couples tend to cover in the later aspects of the relationship time line (such as family values, politics, finances, religion... the true deal breakers). As it currently stands, most couples start by circling around each other and skim the surface regarding the early stuff (favorite color, food, hobbies, etc). However, this causes the couple to have already developed many spousal behavior patterns which makes the connection far more emotionally invested than the reality of the relationship may be ready for.
By covering deal breakers first, you save a lot of headache, heartache, and time. By covering the bases of if a relationship is actually well matched or not, you cover objective aspects of a relationship in terms of its level of fit before physicality mucks up everyone's judgment. After all, you're going on physical dates because part of you already likes the other person (and visa versa). As this repeats itself, people get lost in a pattern of trying to fit a square into a circle because of all that emotional positive reinforcement via the flirting, the flattery, the attraction, the physical touch, etc. This brings us to...!
2. Reality Before Physicality.
Dating backwards requires that physicality is left on the back burner and that the dating aspect of information gathering, processing, and mutual matching of present as well as future fit is placed at the forefront. It is otherwise way too easy to ignore some huge red flags, leaving them neglected under the guise of various expressions of passion. After all, what is more fun? Hashing out the business, or, hashing out the bedroom. Common... just being honest, here. So, when all your friends and family have concerns about this one guy or gal.... you just might want to pay attention... and very likely break it off. Then again, if everyone is telling you this is a great person and they really hope it works... and they NEVER say anything like that, you might want to pay attention here as well ;)
3. Facts Before Fun.
Going out together, getting to know each other, the flirting, the chase, etc. All these things are FUN. However, in early dating, especially dating backwards the goal should be all about the information. What are the facts? What do we know about relationships which make for a good, successful, long term healthy match? Seek these facts out. If the match could be better, then both parties are likely best suited to part ways. If the match is solid, then it is time to progress the relationship. Sure, this isn't FUN per se. However, it is factual... meaning, it is more likely to discern if a new budding relationship is headed for success or doom. And, if it is doom, then couple can decide their options to avert it, avoid it, prevent it, fix it, or simply break it off before it inevitably happens and everyone suffers. AND, if it the facts point towards success, then go ahead and move forward with the relationship! Why wait? Why play the circling game... because, society say so? Well... society hasn't been doing so very well with successful relationships. FACTS FIRST!
4. Values Stand Out.
Dating backwards is highly functional, however, is it less romantic and all around less fun. Talking about values is a deep and uncomfortable thing for people that have just met. And yet, dating backwards requires this as talking about values exposes all the potential weak and strong areas of a relationship as it moves forward. By covering values now, there are no surprises later. And, if there are some blatantly obvious discrepancies in values within the couple, then it may be a good idea to reassess the relationships if not break up and move on. After all, it is VALUES that causes the really bad break ups... family, friends, money, jobs, politics, religion... these are the things that can really wreck relationships. By dating backwards, you see from afar if they are even going to be present.
5. Can You Hear Me Now?
Dating backwards requires that communication becomes the foundation of the early phases of the relationship. Typically, early phase foundations are that of attraction, physicality, and high strung emotions. By dating backwards, you take out the ephemeral aspects of the customary early phases and replace it with solid dimensions of a well developed relationship. Starting backwards, you hone out perhaps the most important part of a successful relationship. Communication. It becomes absolutely clear, because you can't hide behind everything else. You can hide behind the flirting, the surface discussions, your favorite color... none of that stands when dating backwards. Everything is exposed and if there are some fundamental personality traits that are not compatible at the communicative level, it WILL be exposed brutally. The good news is this, because you are dating backwards, you've done this early on in even the first few dates (2-3 weeks even). If this relationship was going to be all so difficult and doomed, you already know so and can amicably and agreeably move on... rather than dating for a year or two to find out that yeah..... there's an irreparable communication issue.
Dating Backwards
Dating is still a very new aspect of the human experience. Historically speaking, what we are most recently accustomed to in the human experience is arranged marriage. It is only recently that humanity reached a point where we could otherwise choose our own spouses, Therefore, to find the critical compatibilities for a good match and long term success, dating backwards is the best way to go about it. The "spark" and other romantic elements that we tend to seek in our early dating chronology actually serve to muddle our judgment and the reality of the situation -- are we, or, are we not a good couple?
By dating backwards, couples find out very quickly if they are or are not. And, by doing so, will save themselves a lot of problems -- or -- will, in a very healthy way, accelerate their experience in a most positive manner.
I like food. No, understatement. I love food. Around the year 2000 or so, I discovered my love for cooking... primarily from my love of eating. By 2005 or so, I took it upon myself to start trying out more gourmet'ish dishes out there as part of my development to the culinary experience. Since then, I've had some great experiences, ridiculous failures, and plenty of great times and good laughs. Today's post is a recollection of my top five dishes I made in the comfort of my own home.
Life Experiences: Top 5 Home Cooked Dishes
1. French Onion Soup
The very first "gourmet" dish I attempted was French Onion Soup. To this day, my college roommate and I can laugh about how I basically made our entire apartment building... no, our entire city block, smell like onions for the duration of a summer. Even from the bus stop, you could smell the cooking in the air. The key, I found, was to reaaaallllllly take the time and caramelize the onions over HOURS. Then it would be appropriate to add the beef stock and season to taste. And, sadly! I HAVE NO PICTURES! Ahhhh... so very sad. But, truly very tasty :)
2. Bacon Wrapped Fillet Mignon, Grilled.
Like I said: I am a foodie. Bacon wrapped filet... moments before becoming one with the charcoal & mesquite #FOOD! pic.twitter.com/l5FfrJG4
I love steak. And, there is nothing more interesting nor exciting than properly grilling Fillet Mignon. At the time, a local Asian store was selling the entire beef tenderloin for $3.99/pound. It was an absolute steal! All you had to do was take it home, trim it, clean it up, and you were good to go. I got some thick cut bacon, mesquite, wood charcoal, and got to work!
Drawing from my wife's French heritage, I took it upon myself to attempt finding some sort of familiarity with French sauces. This combined with my wife's favorite fish... well, I couldn't go wrong! What I found truly interesting about French sauces (with Beurre Blanc being no exception), when the recipe says "whisk," it doesn't mean whisk once or twice. It means you need to furiously whisk that puppy so the sauce doesn't break. And, I mean FURIOUSLY.
After watching Julie and Julia, hearing so much about this beef stew compelled me to give it a try. So, I did. And, I have to say, it is actually quite easy to make (given certain material short cuts) and is absolutely tasty. The big key is finding that magic point in time when the red wine is cooked off. It was quite enlightening the last time I made it; I had my mother-in-law taste test the soup with me incrementally during the phase of cooking off the wine... and, it was quite interesting how instantaneous it was when the soup tasted like wine... then suddenly tasted like super awesome soup!
5. Bone In New York Steak, Butter Basted & Pan Seared
I've always grilled my steaks. Always. Pan seared? I felt that was robbing a good steak from the proper flavor of the grill. However, having watched both an episode of Master Chef and a quick YouTube video by Gordon Ramsey on pan searing steak, I took it upon myself to try it out. Well, hear the sizzle ;) It tasted just as good as it sounded. I need to work on my timing to work out the cook as well as the searing. I've also heard of a good technique to first sear, then bast, then oven the bone in... I'm no where near an expert. So, if you know more details on this, I'd love to hear about it!
Well, that's in for now! I'm hoping to write up a couple posts on the truth of academics and career paths -- and of course -- some eye opening posts about relationships.
